What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 11:28
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
It was going to be , some day.
I have no regrets .
I write beautiful poetry .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Have you been arrested or investigated?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Put me off passion for life!!
Can ringing in the ears be a sign of spiritual awakening?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What did i know ?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
How did you as a human being change while growing up?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What are some hard rock or heavy metal bands that are overrated?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was scared of men, in general
She married twice! .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Neurosteroids identified as potential therapy for treatment-resistant depression - Medical Xpress
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i do to all so called friends.?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What is your most intimate experience with your best friend?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
All the time i was locked up.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She wouldn,t have been !
Are there any men who have sex with male dogs?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Do leftists understand why young men are becoming more right-wing?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Comes on , in middle age.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I will be 64.
I think the readers, may guess!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My life is so biszare .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My family never makes their pension either.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I said to her
We were not on the streets..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One cannot live in the past .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was 9 years of age.
She found it foreign!.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
When she asked me how she looked .
And i lived it daily.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So, i spoilt her more .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Would this be the day?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He knew the spot.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I waited trembling.
Who then, do I blame.?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But ive been too sick for many years..
We all went to grammer schools
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She loved him until the end.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He resisted the act ,that day.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I don,t even have a pension.
But it wasn’t much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Ive learnt so much.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was in good health!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im still living with it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So whats the point in blame.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But, we were locked up after school.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
This is soul school!.
I was very sick at this time too.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was seconnd youngest,
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!